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Saturday, November 5, 2011

The mind is a beautiful thing

THIS IS MY STORY AND HOW I REMEMBERED IT
To understand my life we must start from when i can remember.
They say that the mind is a beautiful thing and when a child experience a tragic event in their life the mind will block out a lot of events in order to deal with it.
Now here's my story
I was born in 1984 to a loving family of four, my parents and two brothers, my parents had been together since they first meet in school. They had my oldest brother when they were both 19 and hes 14 years older then me. When he was born my mother loved him so much he was her world and nothing he did was ever wrong. I would hear stories from my aunties telling me of how he would get what ever he wanted because he was her baby. And how he would run up and down the road terrorizing this old lady then she would ring up my parents yelling about this little boy yelling and screaming past her house. Then 12 years later they had by next brother and my oldest brother was happy to be a big brother but not so happy to share his mum. After having my brothers my mum wanted a little girl and 2 years later she was blissed with me, followed by another girl and 2 years later my beautiful baby sister was born. Making her the last to be born into my family
Now I don't have many memories of my mum just little bits that come and go every now and then i was only seven when she passed away.
Remember the mind is a beautiful thing
I remember
What i can remember about her is how much she loved us even when she was sick in bed. I remember there been a big earthquake one day my sister and i were playing outside in my dads old van, pretending we were going for a drive i remember how much the van was shaking we thought it was my dad and brother behind pushing us. We realised it wasn't my dad or brother pushing us so we got out. I remember getting out to see what was happening only to hear my mum yelling so we all went inside and seen her running around the house trying to stop all her ornaments from falling off the walls and smashing. Ha ha ha i also remember our home toilet watching my mum putting heaps of naked pictures of ladies all over the walls, don't ask me why she did that because no one knows. Then to the days when you would see her lying in bed for days and not knowing why, or  her asking me to walk to the shop (now the shop was a 10 minute walk for an adult longer for a child but it never felt that way) to buy her some panadol's (painkillers) because she had a head ache. I remember how she would give me extra money to buy me something little for myself, then getting home and asking me if i got me something i would show her my bag of lollies and telling me to go eat them in the other room so the other kids didn't know. Then looking out the bedroom window watching my brothers pushing my sister in the pram. I remember my aunties and nanny been around all the time looking after her and not knowing why. I remember one time my mum had asked me to ask my dad for a smoke and how mad he was when i asked him. He was just sitting outside on the door step having a smoke looking so sad. I remember HER been there talking to my dad while my mum was in bed saying "she needs help" but how mad he got at HER.  I still to this day remember how sad and how mad he was.
Then one day she was gone i was told they took her to wellington hospital "Who took her". I didn't know why she was taken it was all a big secret, we were never told what had happened to my mum we never went to see her in hospital.

Then one day i remember going to my uncles house and my brother was there, i was so happy to see him because my mum had sent him away to live with her brother. He had mixed in with the wrong crowd and started taking things from home that's when my dad started beating him real bad. So she did what a mother had to do to save her child and i give her full respect for what she had done. It was a very hard life for him he was told he was going on a holiday and that he was starting a new school because the old one was on holiday that hurt him real bad. He played up real bad to the point my uncle had to sit in the classes with him. When he knew the truth about why he was sent away he tells me even to this day with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes "I'm still waiting to come home my sister".

Lies Upon Lies

I remember seeing my brother just sitting in the chair looking sad i didn't know why till he told us "Mums dead". They told him to be quiet "Mummies dead'??  "what does that mean and wheres daddy" everything will be OK they say. More secrets more lies "Where is my mummy"

 
I don't remember much from then on i do remember been at home and there been heaps of people, lots of new faces i had never seen before. I remember playing with my cousin and telling them to get out of my room but our rooms were all packed with all the living room things. I still didn't know what was going on but i watched when the men pulled the sliding doors out. And i remember hearing people talking with my dad "So how is she getting back". ha ha ha my dad laughs "On the back of my Ute". Yay mummies coming home i think to myself. But when they did arrive every body was yelling "She's here." "Their here." And everybody moving to the side of the house I cant remember how she got back home I'm trying real hard but i dont know. I just remember seeing her asleep in the middle of the sitting room sleeping They say the mind is a beautiful thing   


Her long trip home

I only remember little bits and pieces from her tangi ( funeral) i don't remember the drive up there but i can remember my cousin taking out his caravan to the marae (a Maori meeting house) the ride out to the marae only because he said we could ride in the caravan while he drove it out i also remember the door swinging out and been so scared. I remember been at the marea and the bridge house where all my aunties fussed over us making new cloths doing our hair i remember my cousin taking us kids to the beach to play. Then to been allowed to sit out back with my older brother an cousin's while they prepared the sea food and eat with them.

Then the saddest memorie i can remember was sitting by my mum looking at her in her coffin and watching my sister say "Come on mummy wake up its time for you to come home now".... "Wake up mummy please"..... "Please wake up". I then realised my mummy was not coming home with us I just cried an cried and cried till i was told to be quiet by my dad i don't remember them taking her away to the cemetery and burying her.
"WHY DID MY MUMMY DIE" because she was sick they say

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